I f@#%ed up

I messed up at the start of last school year. 

My spouse had a medical event (non-covid) the first week of school.  At first I wasn’t allowed in the hospital, but then I was, and I discerned the room was ready for him to crash.  They were prepared for the worst.  They got some things figured out, rushed him to surgery, and I waited alone in a room for dawn and news to break. 

The next morning, I was in his ICU room on Zoom calls.  I swooshed kids to breakout rooms when specialists came to talk.  Ridonkulous.  It was the start of school.  I didn’t even know who to call to get a sub.  And I navigated.  And I am angry both at myself and the situation.  

I think to myself that he could have died.  It was touch and go.  It was a night sitting in a dark ICU waiting room all by myself and I was still “at school” the next morning.  

These past years then encompassed some genetic unknowns resulting from that medical event that heightened my alarms around covid for myself, for my partner, for my children.  And that took a toll on the online year, return to school before vaccinations for sure. It took a toll on me. 

This Tweet from last year breaks my heart.  

Before break, some virus was ripping through the department.  One day, at least five (that I know of as we are spread through the building) English teachers were out. 

There aren’t enough subs, but my school does a GREAT job of not taking non-volunteers out of prep time.  Still, a bit more falls to colleagues.  Regardless, take the days.  We need to. 

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